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Friday, August 22, 2008

On Chairs

I just moved into a new, bigger apartment (the reason for my recent lack of posts) and need to buy an arm chair and a smaller comfortable chair for my small "library." Sounds easy, right? Wrong. I think I've visited every store I can think of, either online or in person.

I've actually found a couple online that I like, but when you go to the actual store, they don't have them. Internet orders only. Well, besides the fact that I'm impatient and don't want to wait for an order to be shipped, I'd actually like to see the chair before I purchase it. Maybe even sit my rump in it and see if it is comfortable, and something that I'm going to want to use for the next decade or so.

So all of this leads me to the promised land of New Jersey and the magical kingdom of IKEA. And believe it or not, I'm actually excited about the trip. This is what my life has come to. It reminds me of Will Ferrell in Old School, when he first shows up at Mitchapalooza and gives the reason why he doesn't want to drink:

Frank: I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.


Of course, he does drink, and reverts to his old "Frank the Tank" days:

Maybe there's hope for me yet.

UPDATE 8/24: I went to the Paramus, NJ IKEA on Friday night, and bought the exact chair I had in mind:


This chair was designed by Nobura Nakamura, who clearly is a genius. The chair is stylish and comfortable. In fact the first time I really sat in it, I was asleep within fifteen minutes. I opted not to get the footstool, but may go back for it. Hell, I may even get a second chair!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

The case of the missing hubcaps


That's my car below, a 2005 Toyota Matrix. I love it. Stylish, good gas mileage, tons of storage space in back, chick magnet. What more could you want?

Last year I lost a hubcap. Not the end of the world. I just figured I'd order another one. Before I got a chance to, however, I lost another one. Only the two front ones remained. Round about this time I began to notice other Matrixes were also missing hubcaps. (This is on the lower model, not the fancy-ass XRS version, which has actual chrome rims.) In fact, just about every other Matrix I saw was missing at least one hubcap.

One morning last week I left my house to go to work and noticed the front passengers side hubcap had also gone missing.

....And then there was one.

Where have all the hubcaps gone? Why don't they stay on the wheels of Matrixes? Why is Toyota selling cars that don't hold onto their hubcaps? Is Toyota aware of this problem? Or could this be some Detroit-led conspiracy? After all, Toyota is kicking ass and taking names, leading the pack with their hybrid Prius. Or maybe it's some sicko with a hubcap fetish, lurking in the bushes and popping off the hubcaps one at a time to feed his sick desires?

Well, I still have one left. It's only a matter of time before it joins its hubcap brothers, leaving my wheels naked and my car looking like some Manhattan gypsy cab. But I have to admire its tenacity. Maybe it'll stick around after all.


UPDATE 8/22: I've order new tires and new rims. Yes, real rims. No more hubcaps needed! Right after Labor Day I should have them on my car. If my last remaining hubcap sticks around till then, what should I do with it?

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Pearl Jam ripping the roof off the joint


This is Pearl Jam at the VH1 show honoring The Who. They did Love Reign O'er Me and The Real Me. Check out bassist Jeff Ament on The Real Me (6:50), he's definitely channeling John Entwistle. And check out guitarist Mike McCready jumping around/windmilling/smashing his guitar in homage to Pete Townsend.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cubicle Global Warming

There was a flood in my office the fourth of July weekend. So last week, my co-workers and I spent a soggy, smelly four days in the office trying to work, and trying not to inhale too much of the mold spores that were surely growing under the soaked carpet and behind the wet drywall. Facilities brought in heavy duty fans to try and dry things out, but basically all they did was circulate the moldy basement smell.

So the heavy guns were brought in. We were given the day off on Friday and a crew was hired to set up huge tubes piping in hot air, along with heaters, fans, dehumidifiers, and something called an air scrubber. This is what we came in to Monday morning:





It is hot in here now, but it is also dry. Very dry. All the moisture has been sucked out of the air. By the end of the day Monday, my eyes were dry, my throat was dry, and my colon was dry. Well, maybe not my colon, but who knows? Whatever, at least I get to wear shorts to work for a while.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Back when gas was $3...

No, not for a gallon, for half a tank!!

Good old P.I. Jim Rockford gassing up his gold Firebird while working a case. His fee? $200 a day plus expenses. Nowadays, the expenses would kill you. I'd insist my P.I. drive a Prius.

This must have been around 1976, when gas was 59 cents a gallon. So old Jimbo got 5.08 gallons of petrol in return, roughly what $22 would get you today.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

The little book that could


If you're a reader who likes to discover new authors, here is a gem for you: The Understory, by Pamela Erens (Ironweed Press). The novel has just been shortlisted for the 2008 William Saroyan International Prize for Writing (winners to be announced September 5), and back in April it was a finalist for the 2007 LA Times Book Prize for first fiction.

Congratulations and good luck, Pamela!

Friday, July 04, 2008

Lost Marathon


So, until two weeks ago, I was probably the last person left to have never seen an episode of Lost. And now, somehow, I've watched half of the series, having just finished Season 2 on DVD (yes, I know you can watch it on ABC.com for free, but I don't like the sound of that little message that says I agree to give ABC "total access" to my computer while downloading their stupid little viewer).

Watching 48 episodes in two weeks is an impressive feat, but because I'm still two seasons behind the rest of the world, it would be pointless to offer up any of my own pathetic little theories. What I want to do instead is mention the eerie resemblance between Henry Ian Cusick, the actor who plays Desmond, and a young Eric Clapton:

It's distracting. When Cusick is on screen, all I'm thinking about is how much he looks like Clapton, and how someone should get on the ball and make a biopic about Clapton right now (are you out there, Martin Scorsese?). The timing is right, too, with the recent publications of both Clapton's and Pattie Boyd's autobiographies. Just work from those two books, hire actors to play Pattie and George Harrison, and by all means acquire the rights to the songs, and you've got a hit biopic on your hands which would include a hot soundtrack.

Okay, I need to get working on Season 3 now...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Into the Sunset on Reader's Circle

I've created a web page specifically for my novel, Into the Sunset. It includes the back cover sell copy, links to reviews and interviews, and contact information. I'll update it as needed.

Also, Into the Sunset is now live at Reader's Circle, a great site that connects book clubs with authors, and lets a book club set up a phone chat with the author. Check it out!

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Interview with an Amorous Woman


Recently, I reviewed the excellent erotic novel Amorous Woman, by Donna George Storey. Now, I'd like to share with you a revealing interview I conducted with the author.
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Donald Capone: The novel opens and closes with Lydia—the title character in AW—back in San Francisco, having sworn off sex forever. Of course, I doubted her word from the beginning. Will the Amorous Woman return to her old tricks? Is there a sequel in the works?

Donna George Storey: That’s a very good question. Amorous Woman is my first novel and I discovered in the writing process that—as all of those how-to-write-a-novel guidebooks suggest—my characters soon developed wills of their own and didn’t always listen to me when I wanted them to do or say something for the sake of my plot. So I’m not sure I can predict what Lydia will get up to with American men, but I’m pretty sure it will be new tricks rather than old ones. So far there is no direct sequel in the works, but I am in the early stages of writing a novel about another amorous woman whose desires take her on an exotic journey. Except this time it’s not to Japan, it’s a trip back into the erotic mysteries of twentieth-century America.

DC: Many readers will take AW to be autobiographical, especially since it is written in first person (always one of the dangers of first-person narration). What percentage of it is autobiographical, and do you get strange looks from relatives now?

DGS: Although my real-life adventures in Japan were not quite so wild and edgy as Lydia’s, much of it is drawn from my own experiences. For example, I really did have dinner in a deluxe, three-hundred-year-old restaurant in Kyoto with a charming dentist one beautiful August evening and had an informal marriage meeting (a.k.a. blind date) with a salaryman who’d traveled to Europe on his own. About 50% of the book comes from my firsthand experiences plot-wise, but all of it incorporates my sensual reactions to Japanese culture, which I hope gives the reader the flavor of taking their own trip to that country. My close relatives have gotten used to my erotic writing years ago, but certain friends may be shocked when they read the book now that it’s available in the US. I’ll keep a watch for strange looks!


The author in front of Chimoto restaurant—serving fine dinners to dentists and their guests since 1718

DC: Memoirs are still going strong. Did it ever cross your mind to pitch this as a memoir to ease the road toward publication?

DGS: No, writers get in a lot of trouble for that and although they say any publicity is good publicity, I’d rather not take on that stress. There are so many memoirs from Japan travelers, no need to add mine to the crowd, plus I enjoyed the freedom fiction provided to let me express my truths about intimate relationships between Japan and the US.

DC: How did AW land with NEON, a British publisher?

DGS: This is in part another answer to the last question. One reason I wasn’t tempted to write a memoir is because I didn’t really know I was going to write a book at all. Orion in the UK wanted to start a line of high-quality erotic fiction to be called Neon, and they asked erotica editor Maxim Jakubowski (he does the annual Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica) to commission twenty-some novels from authors he knew. He asked me if I had something and I put together a proposal from an idea that had been simmering for a while. Apparently they liked it and asked me to be part of it. The book came out in the UK last fall.


The author wearing traditional kimono in Japan (1984)

DC: Any plans to translate AW into Japanese for publication in Japan?

DGS: I would love for the novel to be translated into Japanese. The Japanese have traditionally been interested in Western views of their culture and I think my novel provides an unusual perspective. Because it’s inspired by one of their classics, the 17th century Life of an Amorous Woman, I’m sure many readers would recognize aspects of the story I borrowed, such as the frame of two younger men asking an experienced older woman to educate them by sharing the story of her sexual adventures. I also tried to transcend stereotypes and give the reader more complex portraits of the Japanese. AW has no gangsters with missing pinkies or slobbering businessmen bent on world domination while dabbling in white slavery on the side. Even the housewives have interesting secret lives—writing pornography!


The author NOT wearing a traditional kimono

DC: Asteroids are heading toward Earth. Scientists predict there will be no survivors. You are chosen to pick the complete works of three authors to go into a time capsule for future intelligent beings to discover. Who are the three authors?

DGS: I’m going to be mostly selfish with a bit of civic duty thrown in. I have to go with Alice Munro’s complete works as my first choice for the time capsule. She captures the complexity and magic of the ordinary so well. Jun’ichiro Tanizaki, a great Japanese novelist of the twentieth century, does an excellent job of describing the confrontation of Eastern and Western sensibilities. I’d also pick the complete works of Richard Rhodes, a nonfiction writer who is known for the Pulitzer-Prize-winning The Making of the Atomic Bomb, as well as other books about nuclear energy, and the horrifying Masters of Death about the SS-Einsatzgruppen. That will give these intelligent beings a pretty good idea of the horrors we humans wreak. Rhodes also wrote an interesting memoir called Making Love: An Erotic Odyssey. It’s not pretty reading either, but it struck me as an honest confession of the sex life of an American male in the 20th century. Those are pretty rare.

DC: Give an example of how NOT to write an erotic scene.

DGS: First, the scene:

From the moment dreamboat-handsome Reginald walked into the room, all eyes were upon him. Yet his gaze was fixed only on beauteous Belinda, whose blonde mane and melon breasts bespoke her career as a supermodel. Belinda walked toward him, as if enchanted by those steel gray eyes. She was already flushed and moist between her legs. He took her arm and led her from the ballroom to the library, locking the door behind them. At once they embraced, their lips fusing, their clothing dissolving into puddles of cloth on the carpet. Then they were on the carpet, too, Reginald making love to every inch of her flesh with consummate skill. His magic tongue on her womanhood brought forth countless climaxes. The piston-like thrusting of his hips coaxed out dozens more. “Aaaaaaaah,” she sighed. “Arrrrgghh,” he groaned. It was sex beyond their wildest dreams—and to think they hadn’t yet been introduced, hadn’t yet spoken a single word to each other.


Next, the analysis: This scene sucks for all kinds of reasons. First good erotica needs tension and surprise—none here! The characters need a reason to be together—don’t see that either, right? I define good erotica as that in which the sex is physically and emotionally believable. Maybe guys have great sex with total strangers, but I’ve not yet met a woman who’s had her top experiences under such circumstances. Finally, avoid clichés or use them wisely or ironically. And I was definitely using them ironically here. You won’t find anything like this in Amorous Woman!


DC: Requisite question: Who would play the lead character, Lydia, in a steamy HBO mini-series based on Amorous Woman?


I think Amorous Woman would make an excellent HBO mini-series, rather like “Sex and the City” Japanese-style. Charlotte goes to Kyoto and turns into Samantha, with plenty of witty Carrie observations on international relations thrown in! I like Lauren Ambrose for Lydia. She has the right look, an erotic dynamo all wrapped up in strawberry blonde innocence. Ken Watanabe would make the perfect Kimura—flawless English, exquisite charm, sexy as they come.



Donna George Storey has taught English in Japan and Japanese at Stanford and U.C. Berkeley. She holds a Ph.D. in Japanese literature and has published over seventy literary and/or erotic stories and essays in Gettysburg Review, Fourth Genre, Best American Erotica 2006, Mammoth Book of Best New Erotica, Best Women’s Erotica and elsewhere. A story published in Prairie Schooner received special mention in Pushcart Prize Stories 2004. Her first novel, Amorous Woman (Orion, 2007) is the story of an American woman’s (very steamy) love affair with Japan inspired by Ihara Saikaku’s classic 17th century novel of the pleasure quarters. She is also the author of Child of Darkness: Yoko and Other Stories by Furui Yoshikichi (University of Michigan Center for Japanese Studies, 1997), a translation from the Japanese with critical commentaries. She currently writes a column, Cooking up a Storey, about her favorite topics—delicious sex, well-crafted food, and mind-blowing writing—for the Erotica Readers and Writers Association.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Half of a Yellow Sun, Five Star Literary Stories


A couple of weeks ago, I told you about an exciting new blog that highlights short stories that are "editor-nominated and considered one of the best the mag has published."

I hope you check out their latest review. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's "Half of a Yellow Sun" is reviewed by Susan Lago, and was nominated by Beverly Jackson, editor and publisher of Ink Pot. This story went on to win an O. Henry Prize in 2003, so please check it out!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A sexy, erotic, literary read



The cover of the erotic novel Amorous Woman by Donna George Storey has a seductive-looking Japanese woman tempting you to come hither and read the story that is clearly for "adults only" (as the cover warns). The prologue has the title character, Lydia, looking at her reflection in an airport mirror and swearing off sex in any form as she departs Japan for the United States, her homeland. Lydia isn't Japanese—she's a blonde American—but the reflection she sees (or imagines she sees) could very well be the Japanese woman from the book's cover. Lydia is in love with Japan, and her move there was an attempt not just to become Japanese, but to become part of Japan itself. Yet she'll always be a gaijin, a foreigner.

Lydia had moved to Japan to teach English, and to immerse herself in the Japanese culture. What follows is her sexual awakening, one that is driven by a fantasy life that barely stays one step ahead of Lydia's sexual reality. In fact, one feeds off the other. And don't forget, this is an erotic novel, and nothing is left to the reader's imagination. Yet, Amorous Woman is so much more than just the sex. Lydia's sexuality awakens, true, but so does her yearnings for romance, her lost father, and for just plain more out of life. This leads to a self-destructive lifestyle, as far as relationships go, that escalates to a point of no return.

The book begins with Lydia back in the States, telling her story to two young men who are her students (now she's teaching Japanese to Americans set to work in Japan). We get to hear the story along with them, and learn what happened to drive her out of the adopted country she loves. And what a story! Author Donna George Storey holds a Ph.D. in Japanese literature from Stanford, and like her character Lydia, spent time in Japan teaching English. She knows the territory. Storey's writing is very descriptive, and brings you right into Lydia's fantasy world of Japan. From the traditional marriages, to the fine restaurants (serving exotic, dangerous dishes like fugu), to the "love hotels" where married people go to cheat on their spouses and live out their wildest fetishes, to the hot springs resorts in the mountains north of Tokyo:

The bathhouse was deserted, the water smooth and glassy. Hot spring baths in Japan usually follow a guiding fantasy, transporting the bather to a rocky grotto, a tropical garden or terrace with the perfect view of Mount Fuji, even if the mountain itself is an image set in mosaic tile. This inn was more ambitious than most. The soaring cross-beamed ceiling, glowing pedestal lanterns, and swimming pool-sized cedar tub brought to mind the cathedral of a cult that worshipped both purity and indulgence. I was more than eager to make my own offering on its altar.

Lydia affairs aren't only with the men of Japan, but with Japan itself. And we get to go along for the ride. But what eventually makes the love affair end, what drives her back into the arms of America? What happened in Japan to have her swear off sex forever? The answer to those questions is why this book is a page turner—and not just because of the hot, steamy sex scenes.

But does the Amorous Woman really change her ways when she gets back to the States, and live a chaste life? Or will the old pull of sex draw her back into a self-destructive lifestyle? Will she ever find love again? Will the two young businessmen she is telling the story to revive her amorous ways by the end of the tale?

Maybe this isn't the last we've heard from the Amorous Woman. It's definitely not the last we've heard from Donna George Storey.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

It's official: American Cool is a great book!


Susan DiPlacido's hot collection of short stories, American Cool, was the runner-up in the 2008 Beach Book Festival, romance category! Congrats to Susan! The book is also a semi-finalist in the 2008 Independent Publisher Book Awards (better known as the IPPYS), erotica category. The winners will be announced May 23. Good luck!

To purchase American Cool:
Amazon
Barnes & Noble

UPDATE 5/23: The IPPY awards were announced today. Susan DiPlacido walked away with a bronze medal! Congrats Susan!

37. Erotica
Gold: Erotic Interludes 5: Road Games, edited by Radclyffe and Stacia Seaman (Bold Strokes Books)
Silver: Sex Libris: A Book About What Everyone Thinks They Know, edited by Christopher Meason (Welcome Books)
Bronze: American Cool, by Susan DiPlacido (Rebel Press/iUniverse); Slave to Love, by Nikita Black (Cajun Hot Press)

IPPYS

Saturday, May 03, 2008

Five Star Literary Stories


If you are a lover of short stories, check out this new site, Five Star Literary Stories. Their statement:

Five Star Literary Stories combines three integral facets of the writing life: publisher, story, and reviewer. Each story is editor-nominated and considered one of the best the mag has published.

So, if you're short on time, and can't comb through the many outstanding online journals out there, if you want to just sit down with your morning cup of joe and read a great story, look no further! Five Star Literary Stories is now online!

I am thrilled to be one of their first participants. Check out my review of "I've Got Dreams to Remember" by Andrew Bomback.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Funnymen by Ted Heller


It's been a few years since I first read Funnymen by Ted Heller (it was published in 2002). I read so many books, and my memory is shot anyway, so it was time to give it another go (Heller is also the author of one of my all-time favorite comic novels, Slab Rat.)

The "funnymen" of the novel are the fictional comedy duo of Fountain & Bliss, loosely based on the legendary team of Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis. The narrative is unique, set up documentary style, as if Heller himself had interviewed all the major and minor characters of the Fountain & Bliss world. All of these characters (and boy are they characters!) tell of the meeting, union, and rise of the loony comedian (Bliss) and the girl-chasing crooner (Fountain), from the Catskills in the 1940s, to Hollywood of the 1960s, and beyond—past their eventual breakup, and into old age. Each character tells his/her version of events in a unique, identifiable voice, which I know (as a writer) is a hard trick to pull off.

The storytelling in Funnymen is engaging, spot-on, satisfying, exhausting, and more importantly—funny. When the laughs come (and there are plenty of them), it's because you as the reader know the characters so intimately, that you get the joke on every level, as if you are laughing at a long-time friend or family member.

So that's two great novels now from Mr. Heller, but the question is: When is the next one? It's been six long years since Funnymen was published. Ted, if you're out there, help me out. I need some more Heller. I'll be a first reader for you if you need one. Call me.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Ron Currie, Jr. Wins Young Lions Award!!


Ron Currie Jr. won the 2008 New York Public Library Young Lions Fiction Award for his debut novel God Is Dead last night! Hosted by Young Lions co-founder Ethan Hawke, the ceremony included readings of the nominated work by actors Amanda Peet, Brian O'Byrne, and Michael Shannon, as well as Hawke.

Big congratulations, Ron!

The other nominees were Ellen Litman (The Last Chicken in America); Peter Nathaniel Malae (Teach the Free Man); Dinaw Mengestu (The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears); and Emily Mitchell (The Last Summer of the World).

Thursday, April 24, 2008

American Idol is now officially just a popularity contest

American Idol is dead to me now. I seriously don't think I'll watch the remaining weeks. What a joke. Jason Castro and Brooke White are still there? Jason is horrible, and he doesn't even give a shit anymore. Brooke was cute and sincere and vulnerable in the beginning; now she is just annoying and frankly not improving week-to-week as champions usually do. Yet Carly Smithson—who I think should have won this competition—gets eliminated, and on her best week to boot. Disgraceful.

AI has always been somewhat of a popularity contest, but that is all it is now. Basically what happened last night was David Archuleta won the competition. There is no more suspense. It's over. No need to watch from here on out. All the dedicated AI fans (like me) are now denied the final Top Two face-off that should have been: Carly vs. David A.

What a joke.

Here is Carly's exit interview

Monday, April 14, 2008

Ron Currie, Jr. Nominated For Young Lions Award


My friend Ron Currie, Jr. is a finalist for the 2008 The New York Public Library Young Lions Fiction Award. His fantastic debut novel God Is Dead, soon to be released in paperback by Penguin, has been nominated. This is an award to honor the work of American writers under the age of 35. The award (which includes a $10,000 prize) will be presented by Young Lions co-founder Ethan Hawke on April 28th.

Past winners include Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything Is Illuminated; and Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves. This year's nominees are: Ron Currie, Jr. (God Is Dead); Ellen Litman (The Last Chicken in America); Peter Nathaniel Malae (Teach the Free Man); Dinaw Mengestu (The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears); and Emily Mitchell (The Last Summer of the World).

Good luck, Ron! I'll be at the ceremony, and I'll post pictures and the results the next day.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Pete Best finally gets his revenge?



Some hoodlum, some terrorist, some down-right evil-doer has beheaded Ringo Starr! Not the real Ringo, but his topiary counterpart. Italian artist, Franco Covill created the life-size Beatles topiary to honor Liverpool's favorite sons, and to celebrate Liverpool's European Capital of Culture status.

But after Ringo made a comment on a BBC interview that he missed "nothing" about the city, he became a target of these evil-doers. Last time someone just squashed his poor little Ringo head; this time the vandals cut it off completely, and absconded with the leafy noggin.

The head is still missing.

Monday, April 07, 2008

"Take your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!"


One of the classic film lines of all time, from one of my favorite movies, uttered with total disdain by Charlton Heston. (There are many other great quotes here from 1968's "Planet of the Apes.") Heston died Saturday night at the age of 84.

I loved "Apes" as a kid. It was just so cool, so scary, so shocking at the end, when astronaut George Taylor (Heston) finds out he is still on Earth. Everything about "Apes" is great, including the eerie music throughout. I can just hear it now, as Heston's horse approaches the remains of the Statue of Liberty on the beach, and the viewer finds out at the same time the character does that this is Earth, and humans blew their chance at ruling it.

Heston starred in many other classics, including "The 10 Commandments" and "Ben-Hur" (for which he won a Best Actor Oscar®). Then he became the spokesman for gun rights as the president of the NRA. Another famous quote of his was that they'd have to pry the gun "from my cold, dead hands." (I wonder if this came to pass.) But for me, he'll always be George Taylor, the rebellious human fighting the man (er, ape) in "Planet of the Apes." So long, Charlton.

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Plastic Soul


If you're a John Lennon fan, you might want to check out this collectible item. An 18" John Lennon action figure—with sound! He actually speaks two phrases: "Power to the people" and "All we are saying is give peace a chance." For ten bucks more you can add on an attachable Yoko Ono figure, also with (screeching) sound. (Just kidding.)
John Lennon 18" Action Figure with Sound